All Hail the New Captain!
by Ulquiorra9000
Summary: After Aizen's well-deserved defeat, Renji summons Rukia to Byakuya's bedside... where she gets a very interesting offer! One that comes with some serious baggage, by the way. One-shot.


**All Hail the New Captain!**

by Ulquiorra9000

Well, it just _figured_ , didn't it? The Gotei 13 was still picking up the pieces after the Arrancar War, and positions were being filled among the Court Guard squads, and Rukia was finally taking a day off for herself, when Renji approached her with an apprehensive look on his face.

Rukia groaned and covered her face with her paperback book as though making herself invisible. She sat cross-legged under a plum tree that swayed in the breeze on Squad 13's grounds, a tray of snacks beside her on the grass.

And now this.

"Hey there, Rukia," Renji said with false calm, scratching his head. "Look, uh..."

Rukia sat there behind her book, silent as a mouse. _I'm not here... I'm not here..._

She heard Renji clear his throat importantly. Uh-oh.

"I was sent to, uh... escort you to Squad 6's barracks," Renji said tentatively.

Rukia slowly reached for her tray of snacks, trying to look innocuous.

"It's important. I think," Renji added.

 _Oh, I'm sure,_ Rukia thought, annoyed.

Renji was quiet for a second befor he spoke up. "Come on, we gotta move. Official business."

Rukia groaned again.

Now Renji got closer and knelt by his friend. He gently lowered the book to look Rukia in the eye. "You ignorin' me?"

"I just wanted a day off," Rukia complained. "Can't someone else do this job?"

Renji shook his head. "No way. It's an order from your brother."

Rukia reluctantly got to her feet and dusted herself off. "I'm not in trouble, am I?"

"I don't think so. He just barked at me to get you to his office as soon as possible. Or his private rooms. I forget which." Renji chuckled feebly.

Rukia didn't find that very funny. "Lead on, then."

*o*o*o*o*

Turned out, Renji had permission to bring Rukia right into Byakuya's private bedchambers, although the two guards posted by the sliding door gave them hard looks through the slits in their cowls. Afternoon sunlight glowed through the window and expensive wall scrolls and statues decorated the room, but Byakuya was in no shape to appreciate the effect. In fact, he lay rigid in bed, a damp towel draped across his forehead!

"Captain," Renji said, bowing. "Your sister is here."

Byakuya coughed wetly and glanced over. "Yes, I see that. Please leave us."

Renji nodded and departed.

Rukia was pretty sure that he was listening right outside the door.

Byakuya's slate-gray eyes grew fonder. "Rukia. Thank you for being here. I have... something important to ask of you."

"B-brother..." Rukia gasped. Her heart went cold; was Byakuya dying?! Did she have to carry out his last will?! Such pressure! This was so sudden! What if...

Byakuya chuckled just like Renji. "There is no need for alarm, Rukia. I have merely fallen ill. I shall return to my duties in a few days' time. But that's still a few days unaccounted for."

Rukia glanced around the room. "I can take care of you, brother," she offered, fully unaware of her lack of medical skills.

"Thank you, but there is no need," Byakuya told her. "No, I have a plan. I have meant to present you this opportunity for some time, and this is a perfect opportunity."

Rukia heard a rare note of excitement in her brother-in-law's voice. This would either be amazing or terrible!

Byakuya cleared his throat. "I wish for you to temporarily assume my duties as Squad 6's captain."

"What the _hell_!" Rukia blurted. She went red and bowed. "I-I'm sorry for reacting like that! Brother!"

She _knew_ that sassy mouth would get her in trouble one day!

Byakuya opened his mouth to respond when the door slammed open and Renji came crashing in, knocking over the two guards like they were bowling pins. "Captain!" he cried, bowing on hands and knees. "I am fully willing and able to assume this responsibility! Sir!"

Now Rukia and Renji bowed side by side. Who would get Byakuya's favor first?

"Stand up, both of you." Byakuya coughed and adjusted the damp towel on his forehead. He wheezed. "Renji, your hands are full with your own posting. You are a fine lieutenant of mine, but I know what I asked of my sister. Rukia shall bear the haori of Captaincy for the next few days."

Renji worked his jaw. Rukia could only imagine the indignant thoughts rattling around in his thick skull, but for a change, he had the decency to put a sock in it.

Rukia bowed again. "Forgive me, brother, but I don't know if I can -"

"I am aware that you belong to Squad 13," Byakuya said, "but Captain Ukitake has already given me his blessing. In fact, he was delighted when I first proposed this idea some time back."

Rukia stood again, in awe. Captain Ukitake... he had this much faith in her?

She was going places in the world!

But into her brother's office of Captaincy?

"Sir, this is..." Renji started slowly.

Byakuya ignored him. "Rukia, this is an excellent time to test yourself and make good impressions on the other officers."

Rukia went pink. "Y-yes, but..."

She realized that a smile had tugged on her lips. She'd always burned to prove herself ever since her Academy days. And now this!

 _And she would be Renji's boss!_

Rukia completed her smile. "I am honored, Brother! Yes, I shall do as you ask!"

Byakuya cracked a feeble smile. "Excellent. Renji will help set you up. _Won't you_?" he added nastily, glaring at his subordinate.

Renji winced as the two guards got up and entered the room, pounding their open palms with their fists as a warning. "Of course, Captain!"

"Very good." Byakuya nodded at Rukia. "Make me proud." Then he merely intensified his glare at Renji.

Both methods easily got the two of them out of the room.

*o*o*o*o*

"Wheeeeeee! I feel great!"

Rukia laughed and spun in place in the Squad 6 barracks garden, arms wide, face lively, her sleeveless haori coat flapping around her.

Renji made a funny face, still holding a sewing kit. "Hey, I worked hard to reshape one of the spare coats to fit you. Don't rip it on the rosebush thorns!"

"Come on, don't rain on my parade." Rukia pointed a finger at her friend. "This is a great day! Look at me!"

"You sure warmed up to this idea in a hurry..."

"What can I say?" Rukia resumed her victory dance. "Once I put this on, I felt myself come alive! Thanks again for fixing the coat!"

"You're welcome." Renji jabbed a thumb over his shoulder. "C'mon, time to get to work, Captain. Duty calls, and all that."

Rukia stopped and wiped her brow. "Oh, yeah? What's first? Top-secret Captains' meeting? Train recruits? Scout for dangerous Hollows?"

Five minutes later, Rukia was seated at Byakuya's office desk, a sour look on her face. " _Paperwork?_ "

Renji shrugged. "It ain't glamorous, but this is what the Captain does. And now, that's you, missy."

Rukia smacked her open palms on the cluttered desk. "That's _Captain_ Kuchiki to you!"

Renji winced. "Sorry, Captain. I'll be... around... if you need anything. Byakuya... damn, it feels weird calling him that... needs me to keep you on track."

"Oh, joy," Rukia muttered as Renji stepped out. She glared down at the endless paperwork, as though to vaporize it all with a look. Hey, maybe she could!

Alas, no.

"Uuuuuooooghhhh..." Rukia made a noise she didn't think was possible to make, an hour later, as she slammed her forehead on the desk. Her "in" tray's paper stack was like a skyscraper, and her "out" tray had maybe four papers in it. What was all this crap?! It seemed like a Captain couldn't sneeze without requesting a form from Central 46 or signing some waiver or report or whatever.

She perked up hopefully when the office door slid aside and Renji stepped in. "Are you here to save me from this hell?" she asked.

Renji shook his head. "A captain doesn't complain or seek the easy way out. Byakuya taught me that. Anyway..."

Rukia just now realized that the red-headed baboon was carrying a stack of papers. She waved her hands in a panic. "No, no -!"

"Oooof. Here you are, Captain Kuchiki." Renji set the heavy stack atop the "in" tray's existing papers. "These just came in."

Rukia stared at the stack and mentally prepared a flame-based Kido.

Renji hesitated. "Can I tempt you with tea, Captain? Or anything else?"

"Tea first," Rukia said, standing up with a cunning smile. "Then I'm gonna have a little fun."

"Uh, Captain -"

"Just do it!" Rukia tried to imitate her brother's demanding glare, and it must have worked at least a little, because Renji scampered right off to fetch the tea.

Rukia patted her should as though wiping off dust. Piece of cake!

*o*o*o*o*

"Hmmmm? Are you talking to _me_? Whatever for?"

Captain Kurotsuchi reluctantly looked up from peering down a microscope in his busy lab. His black-and-white painted face showed no emotion except distant irritation.

Rukia bowed her head after she finished explaining things. "We are peers for a few days, Captain. Surely you're interested to see if -"

Mayuri pointed at his microscope. "I am only interested in finding out if this strain is still resistant to my new formulas. If you cannot aid me, take your business elsewhere, Captain Kuchiki."

 _At least he go the name right._ Rukia glanced at Nemu for help. "Lieutenant. Does this intrigue you?"

Nemu glanced at her Captain, who shook his head. "I am sorry, but I'm not allowed to be interested in your promotion right now," she said meekly.

Rukia wanted to blurt out all kinds of curse words. What kind of psycho relationship did those two have?!

Renji tugged on Rukia's sleeve. "C'mon. We're disturbing their work."

Captain Soi Fon's response wasn't much different.

"Squads 2 and 6 have had few joint operations before," Soi Fon explained, halfway through running an obstacle course as her daily regimen. "It matters little to me who Squad 6's captain is at the moment. My own squad is the most autonomous, you know, due to our unique skills. If you're going to be a captain, you'd better now that."

Rukia winced as Soi Fon landed lightly atop a wooden pole at the course's end. Such a cold reception! Once again, she looked to the lieutenant for help.

Omaeda grinned and offered an open suitcase filled with bejeweled bracelets. "Why not celebrate your promotion?" he offered. "Two million kan each! A bargain! Your wrist is far too plain right now, Captain Kuchiki!" He gently wiggled the suitcase back and forth to emphasize its overpriced goods.

"We're not buying," Renji said, an irrirated vein clear on his forehead. He tapped Rukia's shoulder. "Maybe this tour of introductions isn't a good idea, Captain. May I suggest -"

Rukia stomped a foot. "No! We're moving on, Lieutenant! Haul ass!"

Renji blinked. "I'm sorry?"

"Never mind. Let's just go."

Rukia presented herself to Sajin Komamura, who bustled into the room with a harried look on his face.

"Oh. Yes. Congratulations on your temp position, Captain Kuchiki," Sajin panted. He wiped his brow. "Look, I have a favor to ask, since you're here. If you don't mind?"

"What -" was all Rukia could say before Goro, Sajin's huge pet dog, raced into the room and knocked Rukia over. The dog panted in her face and licked her nose.

"Could you walk him? I have paperwork, and Tetsuzaeon snuck off at some point," Sajin said meekly.

"Sorry, Captain Komamura. But..." Rukia pushed her shunpo to its limit in her escape. Surely Sajin would have his 3rd seat walk the dog?

"Contrat -" was all Captain Hitsugaya said, five minutes later, until Rangiku wrapped Rukia in a big hug.

"This is so fun!" Rangiku hollered. Her ample chest threatened to swallow Rukia whole. "You're all grown up."

"More than you," Renji muttered in the background.

Rangiku bounced up and down as she threw open a few cupboards and seized two gourds of sake. "Time to celebrate! Drink up, Captain Kuchiki!"

She tried to force a sake gourd into Rukia's hands until Toshiro knocked it aside. "That's the _last_ thing she needs right now," the Captain said grumpily.

Rukia and Renji made their escape to Squad 11's barracks, where Kenpachi promptly gave Rukia a true Squad 11 greeting.

"You're a captain now, huh? Prove it, Kuchiki!" Kenpachi roared with a huge grin on his face in the crowded main hall. He drew his dented zanpakuto and took a good swing.

"Nooooooo!" Rukia dived out of harm's way with her hands over her head. "Captain Zaraki...!"

Then she saw her chance. She threw out a hand that glowed with Kido. "Hado 4: Hainawa!"

A ribbon of spirit energy tangled Kenpachi's ankles together and he fell flat on his face. "No fair!" he moaned into the floor.

Rukia scrambled to her feet and escaped into open, Kenpachi-free air with Renji.

Rukia leaned against a tree as she panted for breath. "I hardly feel welcome among the captain class," she lamented. "Renji, what am I supposed to do?"

Renji's soul pager beeped and he checked its screen. He went pale. "Captain, we've got trouble! One Gillian-class Menos in Karakura Town, and we're bein' asked to take it out."

Rukia groaned. "Squad 13 can't handle it?"

"Apparently, they're doing a mop-up operation on the outskirts for regular Hollows." Renji shrugged. "Let's fire up a senkaimon gate, all right?"

Rukia sighed and opened up the senkaimon. She and Renji stepped through.

Sure enough, a huge, ogre-like Hollow stomped down the main street. It had a wild mane of red hair, two horns on its forehead, brawny forearms, and one hell of a bad smell about it. Stray Pluses wailed in terror as the Gillian plucked them from the air and gobbled them up.

Rukia cleared her throat and stepped onto the street before her foe. She drew her sword. "Stop right there!"

The Gillian, at least three stories in height, leered at her through his mask eyeholes. "You're a puny one," he said. "Hardly even an appetizer." His huge clawed hand swiped through the air faster than Rukia expected, and the blow threw her into a skyscraper's ground floor.

"Oooof!" Rukia tumbled out of the debris and got to her feet, her head ringing. She bared her teeth. "Okay, it's on!"

"Captain, if I may?" Renji drew Zabimaru, eyes on the Gillian.

Rukia waved him away. "Stand down, Lieutenant. I have to do this alone!"

Renji looked at her in awe and stepped aside.

No need for awe, Rukia thought. She just needed to blow off some steam! What a day this turned out to be!

The Gillian stepped closer and kicked at Rukia, but this time, the petite Captain vaulted high into the air and cried, "Dance, Sode no Shirayuki!"

White light filled the street as her zanpakuto manifested its shikai. Then, Rukia pointed it right at the massive Gillian. "Tsugi no Mai: Hakuren!"

The very air plunged into a freezing chill as ice particles gathered. Then, a wave of ice surged forth, and the Gillian was too slow; half of his body was encased, and he struggled against the sudden ice formation. "You shrimp!" he cursed her, gnashing those teeth of his.

Rukia flicked her sword upwards and shattered the ice. The Gillian was split in half, but to Rukia's astonishment, his left half kept fighting! He took a swing, and his fist threw Rukia mightily to the street below.

"Captain!" Renji hurried forth, but once again, Rukia held out a hand.

"I can do this," she said, giving the thumbs-up.

Renji grinned and stepped back.

A shadow loomed over Rukia as the half-Gillian hopped over to crush her, but already, Rukia was on the move. She darted forth and sliced into the Gillian's ankle, and he fell flat on his back with a _thud_. Then, Rukia swept her sword in an arc. "Some no Mai: Tsukishiro!"

A great circle enveloped the Gillian, and in a flash of light, a pillar of ice formed and shattered. Bloody chunks of Hollow flesh rained everywhere, and Rukia yelped as grimy pieces rained down on her. "Noooooooo!" she hid her face in her hands, but she felt Hollow innards soil her haori coat.

Rukia didn't lower her hands until the Gillian's fleshy chunks dissolved. "Whew!" she took a step forward, then decided to heck with it, and lay flat on her back, staring up at the sky.

A battle well fought!

What a drag.

Renji stood over her. "Nice one, Captain."

Rukia gave the thumbs-up again. "Let's go back home."

"Yeah, you'd better, Captain." Renji suddenly had a smug grin that Rukia did _not_ like!

"Wh... what's with the tone?"

Renji spread his arms wide. "Did you forget, Captain? You've gotta finish all that paperwork! I bet it'll take all weekend! You're gonna burn the midnight oil and then some!"

Rukia covered her eyes with her hands and rocked back and forth in a mini-tantrum. "Anything but that! Please!"

"Welcome to Captaincy, Rukia."

 _All hail the new captain,_ Rukia thought bitterly.

Byakuya had better get well... _soon_!

 **The end.**


End file.
